WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
