just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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