do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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