I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Randomize
