6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize