I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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