Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
