Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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