I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
