i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Randomize
