What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
