im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
