Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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