Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
