i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
