She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
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