I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize