So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Randomize
