I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I lost the right to judge tonight
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
