There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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