I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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