So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
