he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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