she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
