you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
