I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
