i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
