I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
True college students do jello shots in the library
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
