How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
People in love make me want to vomit
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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