I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
