Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
