But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
