Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
whose parrot is this?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
