1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I love you. Go after that dick
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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