I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
