It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
