had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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