your room smells of hookers.
And success
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I am spending my child support on dildos
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
