a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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