Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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