You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
