She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
