Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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