It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
