1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
