I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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