Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
