You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
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