i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
