I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
