grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
