At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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