if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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