I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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