We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
