I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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