and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
