do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
