Betty ford says i'm here all night
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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