who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
