I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
