She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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