Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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