so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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