how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
