I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
