I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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