Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Randomize
