She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
