I'm really into asian looking animals
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
