oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
