the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I fill condoms, not promises.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
