Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
