I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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