but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
