Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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