Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
