Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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